


how to say no

by artsyspikedhair



Series: triwizard traumas [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Harry Potter, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Cousin Incest, Extremely Dubious Consent, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter Friendship, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Non-Consensual Kissing, Oblivious Ron Weasley, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 18:52:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16522688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: Ron had asked Harry to the Yule Ball after Ron discovered Hermione already had a date, and Harry... Harry was stupid, Harry was so stupid he said yes and danced and let another boy touch him and kiss him and they were best mates. Harry felt like he couldn't say no. He wasn't sure he wanted to say no. He wasn't sure of much anymore. The kiss had been his first. It was good, but Flitwick's warnings haunted Harry. Would Ron expect more? Harry liked what was happening, but everything felt confusing.Will only make sense if you've read the first two fics. The Rape/Non-Con tag does not refer to Harry Potter/Ron Weasley, although the Non-Consensual Kissing does.





	how to say no

It's two days after the second task. The task Harry failed. The task where Ron almost drowned. Harry's in the library, because people don't expect him to be there. He's standing, staring at a shelf with unseeing eyes. 

Ron had asked Harry to the Yule Ball after Ron discovered Hermione already had a date, and Harry... Harry was stupid, Harry was so stupid he said yes and danced and let another boy touch him and kiss him and they were best mates. Harry felt like he couldn't say no. He wasn't sure he wanted to say no. He wasn't sure of much anymore. The kiss had been his first. It was good, but Flitwick's warnings haunted Harry. Would Ron expect more? Harry liked what was happening, but everything felt confusing. Ron acted like he'd been so drunk at the Ball he couldn't remember what happened, so Harry did the same. Hermione gave them both odd looks, but Harry was good at deflecting the conversation back to her and Viktor. 

Ron still acted like the same best mate he'd always been: playing chess together, helping figure out the clues, Harry even told him about the one time Piers Polkiss tried to drown Harry in a swimming pool and very nearly succeeded. Ron was a lot more... touchy now, though. Harry didn't know how to tell him to stop. Ron didn't read body language well, and Harry felt like their friendship was on very shaky ground after Ron's jealousy had impacted his view on the Tournament. 

But Harry was used to losing good things. He was used to having everything he loved ripped from him, like when Aunt Petunia burned his baby blanket in front of him as a six year old. Or when the primary school teacher took away his library privileges time and time again for Dudley's crimes. Harry thought the spell accio would work, but when it failed - when Ron's arm came flying towards Harry without the body - Harry did not jump into the lake. Harry did not rescue his 'person he'd miss most'. Harry was panicking and flashback-ing and - 

Harry left Ron to die and yet Ron forgave him. Harry felt awful, but Ron wanted Harry's company in the hospital wing, so Harry stayed. Harry - acting on impulse - told Ron that Harry loved him after Ron reassured Harry yet again that the tournament was not his fault, nor his responsibility. Now, neither boy knew where their relationship stood - friendship or more? 

Harry wrote Snuffles: 

Snuffles,  


I need advice. Ron and I went to the Ball together and I don't know - we kissed and danced. Now I don't know how I feel. How do you know if you love someone like a friend or like a romance? -HP 

Harry's dreams have all been nightmares for the past week: Ron drowning, Harry drowning with Ron on top of him, Ron kissing him, Ron taking his uncle's place during punishment - Harry hated his life. This morning he had woken up and took a cold shower, trying fruitlessly to kill his arousal without wanking before giving in. He was never sleeping again, he decided. 

Hermione somehow at some point came next to him while Harry had been spacing out. 

"Hello? Anybody home?" she joked, before lightly knocking on the side of Harry's head. 

For once in his life, Harry almost appreciated growing up in a Muggle house, as he knew how to respond. "Harry Potter's not home right now, please leave a message." 

"Se- For real though, Harry, are you alright? You've been out of it since - well, really since the split sex talk, but you've been even more jumpy since the Ball."

Harry gulped, but shook his head. He walked over to one of the floating armchairs and plopped into it. Hermione followed his lead. She also cast an anti-eavesdropping charm. 

"I am so far from alright, I am al-left." Harry quipped in a monotone. "I- what did they teach you lot in the Talk? was it-" 

"Madam Pomfrey told us all the fourth years were learning the same thing. She- y'know, we learned very, very graphic details about sexual activities." Harry nodded. 

They were quiet for a bit, Hermione maneuvering her armchair towards the shelves, Harry simply gathering the courage to ask. He did. "Have you- I mean- were those activities - er- new to you?" 

Harry stared at the floor. Hermione blushed, although her skin made it not very noticeable. "Well, I learned about missionary sex in Muggle school when we had the puberty talk, but mostly it was new information. I took notes." 

Harry hunched even further in on himself, causing the chair to lower a bit as well. He was not making eye contact and thus missed Hermione's worried expression. "No- er - I- I've... done the acts they talked about." Harry physically could not make the words come out. He picked at his wand with his nails, trying to pry off a sliver of wood. The silence felt heavy as Hermione processed what he said. 

"Oh. Ohhh... Was it with Ron? Is that why you've been acting so uncertain around him?" 

"No!" Harry borderline-shouted, unable to hide his surprise at the question. Softer, he continued: “No, I’d never willingly- I mean, the kissing and stuff you saw at the Ball was all we, me and Ron that is, did. Only, now, I- I don’t know where I stand with him after he basically abandoned me for two months after the Goblet of Fire until the First Task, and now he’s acting like we’re a thing, being all touchy-feely... I don’t like being touched.” Harry chanced a glance at Hermione, whose brow had been furrowed since she heard the beginning slip-up. 

“I know that you don’t like being touched, but you’ve never outright said it. Ron’s not the best at subtlety; you might need to talk to him about your boundaries. Did he even ask before he kissed you?” 

Harry shook his head, lost in thought. Boundaries? He was allowed to have boundaries? What if Ron hated him for asking? What if Ron was only waiting for a sign of Harry’s ungrateful attitude to put him back in his place like Uncle Vernon always did when Harry said no?

“Harry?” Hermione asked again, concerned as seconds became minutes. 

“Boundaries? I’m not allowed to have boundaries. Goes against the rules.” Harry was in an older mindset, one like when he was ten and only know the life the Dursley family had given him. 

Hermione was not stupid. She knew her friend was not acting like himself and would tell her things he would later regret, but Hermione was also burning with sickening curiosity. She knew Harry’s home life was bad, yet she asked. “What are the rules?” 

“Don’t do anything out of the ordinary or mention anything acting unnaturally. No questions allowed. If I lay there and take it, I’ll get time off my punishment. Do not, under any circumstances, expect any love or accountability from Aunt Petunia because she does not care and will leave me out to die. If I need a favor, Uncle Vernon will provide it if I let him have me.” 

“Harry?” Hermione could read between the lines. She knew what ‘lay there and take it’ and ‘have me’ meant. “Harry, Ron is not your uncle. He would not be touching you if he realized you were uncomfortable with it.” 

“I shouldn’t be uncomfortable with it. I should be grateful anyone wants a freak who’s had sex with- with-“ Harry was blinking back tears again. 

And of course, Ron appeared at the worst possible time. “Hermione? Har- Harry? Why are you crying?” Ron went to place his hand on Harry’s shoulder as a comforting gesture, but Hermione stopped him. 

“Harry can’t be touched right now. He doesn’t know how to tell you, but he is uncomfortable with the physical affection you’ve been giving him.” 

“oh.” Guilt pooled in Ron’s stomach, alongside an irrational anger at Hermione for being the one Harry trusted to tell this to. “Why- why didn’t you tell me, mate? I don’t like making my bo-don’t like making you uncomfortable.” 

“you-you don’t deserve me” all of Ron’s insecurities froze his heart as he heard that but Harry continued, looking at Ron through blurry eyes “and if I told you you’d leave because you’d know what a freak I am - I mean you already know about the cupboard and the bars on my window and the food but if you knew- I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to lose the first friend I ever had because I’m indecisive and conflicted and traumatized by my relatives having sex with me. I’m sorry, Ron.”

“You- what? I’m not mad at you, Harry, I don’t think you’re a freak, but you- what?” Ron was thoroughly confused although he now understood that Harry was in no way ready for the romantic relationship he had envisioned.

“My uncle used to punish me by making me do what I guess Flitwick called anal sex but I didn’t know it was sex I just thought it was another kind of punishment. This summer my cousin decided to join in. I didn’t know it was sex I never would’ve willingly engaged in incest if I had known please believe me!” Harry was now openly sobbing. 

Ron responded. “We believe you, mate. That’s- that’s not right at all, but the only freak is your uncle and your cousin, not you. You didn’t know.” Harry sniffled. He noticed the three of them were alone in the library. Ron was still standing. Hermione was still in the floating armchair, as was he. Harry’s leg was shaking. Talking about the event brought the physical feelings back like memories and all he wanted was to pass out and forget he ever learned about sex. He didn’t particularly care if he woke, either - at least in death he’d see his parents again. 

“Harry, you need a Calming Draught. Let’s go to Madam Pomfrey’s.” 

Harry stood, blinking back his tears. “Where is everyone?” 

“Lunch,” Ron responded. Harry reached and held Ron’s hand. Hermione led the way. That was enough.


End file.
